There always comes a time of elimination. The earth sheds
each year. The trees and flowers let go of their identity.
As the old identity dies, a new identity is born. The body
sheds constantly. Some of it happens invisibly; so naturally
and silently that we do not realize it is happening. The
heart and the spirit also shed. They shed the emotions and
experiences that we no longer need. They shed the things
that stunt our growth. This, too, is an invisible process.
Yet because of the energy involved, the emotional energy,
we often feel the emotional and spiritual shedding; it feels
as if we are dying. We are. Just like the flowers and the
trees, we are dying to an old identity. This shedding, or
death, is not the end of us, it is the beginning.

You can see it in his eyes. You can tell in his mannerisms,
the way he touches his face uncomfortably with one hand and
shifts his weight from right to left, left to right. If he
chooses the easy way out, to hide his apprehension behind
a telephone line, than you can hear it in the way his voice
quivers a little bit when saying hello. And then there
is that brief silence as he struggles to find the words
he rehearsed over and over again the night before. The
words that in this moment hold the strength to break
a heart into a thousand pieces, the power to bring a
grown woman to sob like a child who had just skinned
her knee. And as he walks away or slowly places the telephone
onto its cradle, you stand dumbfounded, choking on the
lump that has formed in your throat midway between “it’s
not you, it’s me...” and “I’d really like to still be
friends...”

In one moment, you go from being a happy couple to being
two separate beings again-except you can’t remember what it means to be separate, to be alone.
In fact, you can’t remember much about life before he charmed his way into
your heart, promising that he was different. But you were whole before his arrival
and will continue to be so after his departure. So fasten your seat belt, because
this ride just may be a bit bumpy. The destination, however, is well worth the
wait.

Just think of it... single. You ponder the word over and
over in your head. At first it brings tears. Single.
Say it with me. You are suddenly single and it’s
the suddenly part that is hurting so much - kind of like a rug pulled quickly
from under your feet. This change was so unexpected, unwelcome even, but now
that it has happened, you must pick yourself up off the floor, dust yourself
off, and realize that the single part really isn’t so bad. In fact, it
has a million advantages waiting to be discovered. So say it with me... SINGLE
- scream it out loud and know that this isn’t an end. It’s just the
beginning.

Why does it always seem much easier for a man in a breakup
than a woman? Why is it that a man can go on with his
life easily and not shed a tear over it? Why do women
cry and go through grieving processes through the journey
of the breakup?

I will tell you what it is... because men are stronger. They
are strong when it comes to holding in their feelings. Sometimes
they won’t even show their
feelings to a woman…but when she is not around he will show it in some
other ways. Perhaps by mistreating friends or playing football just a little
rougher. Even if the man did really want the breakup because he wants to see
other women, he will likely show some emotions later in life. He will be thinking
about all the great times the two of you shared. He might even want them back...but
by then you won’t want him back anyway. He had his chance and he blew it.
Three years down the line if he does decide that he misses you and he made a
bad choice then it is your turn to make the right choice.

The thing with women is, we get over it. We cry sometimes
for weeks at a time. Or we eat a lot of junk food. Or
we don’t eat at all. Some of us sleep
all day and some cannot sleep. If you haven’t already noticed, 90% of women
get over men after a week or so and they find someone else and they feel better
about themselves. Get a job or a hobby to get your mind off him. Take care of
yourself and treat yourself before you go out there looking for someone else.
The fact is that it is never fair to start a new relationship with baggage left
over from the old one. What some of us don’t understand is that we do not
need men to make us happy because we can be pretty content with ourselves. The
thing about us is that we like the idea of having a man there but we don’t
survive on them. We like to have someone to cuddle on the couch with and someone
to cry to when you are hurt but we can deal with not having it once in a while.

Take yourself out to dinner because if you can enjoy spending
time with yourself others will enjoy spending time with
you. Spend some money on yourself. Buy yourself those
shoes you always wanted but didn’t buy because your mate didn’t
want you spending that much money on shoes.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding
a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t
always mean security. Company is having someone around to spend your time with,
not to pay your bills. You begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises. Just because you are given a ring doesn’t
mean it is going to last forever. We would all love to believe that but not everyone
gets the perfect relationship. You begin to accept your defeats with your head
up and your eyes ahead. With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans. Futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After
a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant
your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to
bring you flowers. You learn that you really can endure and that you really are
strong and you really do have worth, with every good bye you learn.