At twenty-two, I was a new college graduate.  I was among the first in my class to find a job in my field.  I was also among the first in my class to lose a job in my field.

I had hired on with this company as a Manager Trainee.  Unfortunately, most of the training was flying by the seat of my pants.  It should have been a good job. My boss was about to retire in a few years and he wanted a protégé who could step into his shoes when the time came.  Unfortunately, I was not that protégé. 

So, ninety days later, I go from a corner office to bussing tables at Shoney’s. But, I recovered.  Statistically, thirty percent of all first time managers will fail.  The good news for first time managers is that there are second chances.  Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the years.

 Lesson #1 Never be afraid of criticism.  A former co-worker of mine was a bit of a cowboy.  He used to say, “This ain’t my first rodeo, I’ve been thrown a time or two.”  Well after the first time I was thrown, I was a little gun shy for a while.  My confidence was shot and I tried to fly under the radar.  I tried to avoid making any waves.  But, people invariably catch on to this.  And some people sensing weakness will tear into you like a Rottweiler on a porterhouse.  The few times I tried to step out, I caught flak for my mistakes.  But, someone told me once, “The only man who’s never made a mistake is the man who’s never done anything.”  It’s easy to find flaws with the quarterback from the lounge chair.  But, you really can’t judge him until you’ve played his game.  My loudest critics were those who lacked the drive I tried to show.  And for whatever reason, they reveled in any perceived failure.  Now, you also get affirmative criticism from those who genuinely care.  But still, many of them have trouble offering criticism and delivering it effectively.  So take all criticism with a grain of salt.  Use what’s pertinent and discard the rest.

Lesson #2 Be willing to leave your comfort zone.  Once you learn that criticism won’t kill you, it’s time to spread your wings. Change can be stressful.  But it can save a career or a business. 

Lesson # 3 Don’t limit yourself to preconceived labels.  That comes as part of change.  The hardest change I ever made was switching teams at my new work place.  I had worked with a terrific crew for several years.  I had gained their respect and earned their trust.  But, by being the youngest and most junior person on the team, I was not about to become their leader.  Sometimes we get “typecast” like actors who always end up in comedies or as tough guys.  There comes a time when you need to move on and take on new roles.

Lesson #4 You don’t need a title to be a leader.   Some of the best leaders I’ve ever seen weren’t officially “bosses.”  Conversely, many managers are little more than stuffed suits.  Two pieces of advice go along here.  Sometimes to be a good leader, you have to be a good salesman.  “You can’t make anybody do anything.  But, you can motivate people to buy into your ideas. Confucius once said that “The best leader, when finished will have the people saying, ‘we did it ourselves.’”  One final caveat; “Unofficial” leaders can sometimes wear out their influence if not careful.  Become too cocky and you will soon be reminded that you indeed don’t have a title.

Lesson #5 Focus on Quality, not Quantity.  This one’s quite simple.  A coworker reminded me that it was better to take on one role and do very well than to fill my plate with a half-dozen things that I did half-way.

Lesson #6 Take it one day at a time. Sure, you want to get noticed.  And you want your career to take off.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and you won’t make CEO this week.  So stop and enjoy the roses.  Confederate General Robert E. Lee scheduled leisure time every week.  It wasn’t frivolous.  It was necessary.  Even in the midst of war.

Lesson # 7 Be decisive.  Sometimes, it really doesn’t matter what you do.  To borrow from Nike, “Just do it.”  Learn to think on your feet.  Trust your gut.  If you mess up, admit it and then go on.  You’re as likely to screw up as you are to encounter death and taxes.  So, when your mistake ruins someone else’s day, respect their right to be angry with you, and let them vent.  But, don’t let someone brow beat you for ages over one mistake—unless you refuse to learn from it.

Lesson #8 Leaders get results.  Leadership implies motion.  Management holds the status quo.  If someone said to me “I am your new leader,” I’d say, “Great! Now where’re we going?”  I keep a quote in my locker.  It says “The only good idea is an idea that gets implemented and stays implemented.”

Lesson #9 Keep It Simple Stupid.  You’ve heard it over and over.  But it’s true.  We humans are by a nature a lazy lot and we’re driven by habit.  So, in order to see Lesson Number Eight bear fruit, you have to keep your changes easy and simple, at least in the very beginning.  You can’t conquer the universe until you’ve mastered your little corner of accounting.

Lesson # 10 Bad situations don’t get better with age.  I’ve seen too many good teams ruined by one or two bad apples.  Or worse yet, I’ve seen great teams hindered by interpersonal grudges.  You don’t want to jump into everyone’s personal disputes.  But when those disputes sour the workplace, something needs to be done.  Just remember--

Lesson #11 No one’s going to listen to logic until the emotional part is dealt with.  People need to unload their emotional baggage before they can think clearly.  Worse yet, many people will hold in all their anger and hurt and just not deal with anything.  That’s how I learned Lesson #10.  Give a person permission to have feelings.  Put these three sentences in your repertoire:  “I realize you’re angry.  I don’t blame you.  I would be too.” They can work miracles.

Lesson #12 Learn to see the gray areas.  I’m the kind of person who likes everything to be cut and dried; black and white.  But, not everything is—especially in human conflict.  You have to find a middle ground.

Lesson #13 You don’t have all the answers.  The good news is that it’s not expected of you either.  Whether it’s human conflict or troubleshooting equipment issues, you don’t have to go it alone.  I learned that the hard way.  Once, I was faced with a problem that someone else had already solved in their function.  I had wasted time trying to reinvent the wheel, when a guy said, “Mike, here’s what we did.”  Sometimes R&D means Rip-off and Duplicate.

These are my thirteen lessons.  I’m sure to add more over the years.  Take what you need and discard what you don’t.  If you get thrown, don’t be afraid to climb back up in the saddle and ride again.  But, most importantly, just enjoy what you do.  Or do what you enjoy.