When the Supremes sang about how "Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do," they weren't kidding. Not only are you thrown back into the category of singletons, most people, myself included, ask themselves the overwhelming and unfair question, "What did I do wrong?" News flash: probably nothing. The break up most likely had to do with the fact that along some lines the two of you just weren't meant to be together.
Great theory, huh? For those that realize it right away, more power to you. For those of us who tend to linger in the past while listening to sappy love songs and wishing that he would come strolling back into our lives, listen up. I've been there, and looking back, I wish I would have ceased and desisted my woe-is-me attitude and jumped right back into this game we call life. My last relationship certainly wasn't worth the time and effort I spent sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself after it ended, and I regret the three years (yes, it's true, three years) that it took me to finally realize that even though the relationship soured, my own life didn't have to.
So, maybe you are going through a break up now. Maybe you are happy as a lark with your significant other, but know someone who could use a little help getting over an ex. Maybe you, like me, took forever moving on after your last break up and want to be prepared in case love bites you in the arse a second time around. Whatever the case, take these tips and try, if not all, then at least a few to help mend your heart.
1. Get a pet.
If your housing situation allows it, and if you have time to spend with one, then there is nothing like a fine, furry friend to take your mind off Mr. Wrong. A pet is great company at night, it�s always happy to see you when you walk in the door, and its love is unconditional. A pet will never judge you, criticize you or make you feel insecure. And if you already have a pet, spend more time with it. Take it for long walks, window-shopping at PetsMart or just for a ride in the car. It will only love you that much more.
2. Extend your cell phone minutes.
Near or far, friends will play an important role in getting over your lost love. So pay the extra $25 a month and take advantage of nights and weekend minutes. One of the reasons your friends are your friends is because they want to cheer you up when you are feeling blue. So call them, all of them. Old and new. Tell them your story, and then ask what they have been up to. Listening to someone vent about an overbearing boss or a cute boy they met on-line allows you to verify that life does go on. Let them know you need their support to get through your break up and give them
the opportunity to cheer you up. Just be sure to thank them.
3. Go to movies - alone.
Although going to movies can be considered a "date" thing, going by yourself makes more sense. You don't have to worry about popcorn getting stuck in your teeth or that you ate too much of it. You don't have to listen to your guy's play-by-play of what is right and wrong with the flick. And most importantly, going alone gives you a sense of confidence. You aren't afraid of being single - in fact, you are proud of it.
4. Workout.
This one is my favorite because you get a two-for-one benefit. Not only are you able to improve your health and possibly lose those five pounds you gained from eating Ben & Jerry's following the break up, but you also curb your emotions by sweating out toxins, strengthening your endurance and creating an overall well-being for yourself. Working out doesn't mean joining the most expensive gym in the city. It can mean going for a run around the neighborhood, taking a kickboxing class at the local judo center or using your living room for an aerobics area while working out to Richard Simmons' "Sweatin' To The Oldies" VHS tape. Old school, I know. But working out means anything that gets your blood pumping, your body sweating and your mind void of the past.
5. Get set up.
This one is really tough because following a break up the last thing you want to do is spend an evening with a stranger. But here's the deal - you have to. Going on a blind date, regardless of whether your best friend sets you up or your mother�s-bridge partner's-sister's-niece does, it's a way to get out there and see what other fish are really swimming around the sea. Trust me, I've been on 24 blind dates in my life and not one has turned into a second date. The only thing I got out of those 24 nights are 24 hilarious stories to tell at parties and girls' night out. But they gave me a reason to shave my legs, buy a new outfit and feel good about myself. So just do it.
6. Visit out of town friends.
Getting yourself out of your everyday environment is important, especially those first few weeks following the breakup. Visiting a different city, eating at different restaurants and sleeping in a different bed will help you forget, at least for a few days, about your situation. Use this time away to reflect on what is right with your life � you have a great family, a fabulous job and lots of friends. Just be sure to not get back into your funk when you return home. Many people suffer from post-vacation blues. If you see the symptoms coming on (don't want to go to work, always tired, don't care what you look like) jump start yourself into researching your next trip by checking your calendar and airfares for your next destination.
7. Keep a journal.
As a writer, this one came easy for me. The great aspect of keeping a journal is that you have it forever. You can look back months, even years, later and see how far you have come in the journey of your life. And the reason I strive to keep a journal is because someday I can share my ups and downs with my niece, Grace, who is quickly growing up and learning that life is a wonderful thing that isn't always fair. I will be able to specifically read to her the times I had been let down by friends and bounced back. How a certain boy broke my heart, but another came along to mend it. How leaving behind my family to embark on a career was frightening, but full of challenges that made me a better person. A journal is a legacy that belongs to you and only you. And documenting not only your successes, but your fears and your sadness can help quicken the healing process and strengthen your belief in yourself.
8. Check out books on CD.
This is a great tactic if you have a long commute or spend a lot of time in your car. For me, being alone in my car was dangerous. I would either scan radio stations seeking out those sappy love songs I mentioned earlier, or I'd pop in a CD with songs that reminded me of my ex. On the really bad days, I'd play "our song" over and over until I was reduced to tears. That damn repeat button will kill you every time. Books on CD cost nothing when checked out of a local library, and it provides you the opportunity to read those classics you never seem to have time to conquer or the biography that is collecting dust on your nightstand because it weighs more than your laptop computer. They keep you away from reminiscent music and catapult you into a fictional character's life, thus taking your mind off matters of the heart.
9. Paint a room.
Depending on the size of the room, this could be a lot of work, but the act alone is great therapy. There is so much you have to think about when painting a room. Do you want a warm color, something more dramatic or does the wall just need a fresh coat to brighten up the room? You'll have to make a trip to the local hardware store for supplies � brushes, rollers, tape and drop cloths. While you are there, ask a cute employee to help you out. And then throw on some old cloths and get the job done. With a few strokes, you'll renew the cliche out with the old, in with the new. And when the cute hardware store employee drops you off after your first date, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment when he compliments you on a job well done.
10. And last, but not certainly not least - DATE ON-LINE!
This is a perfectly good way to meet guys who have the same interest as you do. With all the personality questions websites ask, it is almost impossible not to find someone who shares something in common with you. Maybe you both like dogs. Maybe you both like Mexican food. Whatever the case, one common denominator can lead to happiness. Begin by e-mailing those guys whose profiles you enjoyed reading and then let the fun begin. And remember, it takes guts to put yourself out there, so don�t be quick to judge the ones that contact you. Give everyone a chance and see where it goes.
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